Dear Freshman Year Me

Dear Freshman Year Fave,

Hello you baby! I know you are excited for your college experience, as you should be-it’ going to be wonderful. You will get the wonderful opportunity to immediately be surrounded by wonderful floormates, despite your first impressions of the preppy “Uruguayan” friend down the hall. You will learn that these people will become your life line and your second family over the next two years. You will learn that school will not be that easy, you will struggle a lot and you will develop anxiety. Your anxiety gets really bad, and then it will get better, and you are stronger for having undergone all of it. Freshman year will bring a lot of love, happiness, content, and realizing your parents are right. You will have to look out for yourself unlike ways you ever have and you will decide how to best spend your time. You will go through a period of apathy and low self esteem, your grades will suffer but they will get better. They will make you better. You will develop exceptional dedication and tremendous work ethic towards your school work. You will keep failing, and eventually realize that you have to work smarter and more effectively instead of work harder. You will realize that certain people make you feel calm and safe, and that you will use those people as crutches and attempt to make an active effort to stop. Freshman year your crutch and your main supporter was I. He was/is one of your favorite people because he is always there to lift you up when you are down with compliments that he genuinely thinks about you. I remember one time specifically, it was a Saturday or Sunday morning and we just woke up and the first thing he did was smile and I asked him why and he said “Because I got to wake up next to you”. Normally I would roll my eyes at anyone who would say this, but I know he meant it. So sweet and so genuine. You will learn in college how important these people are in your life.  And then there will be times that these people disappear for whatever reason, or change their role in your life. It doesn’t have to happen on purpose and you might not even notice them slipping away, but it will happen. First you will try to cling on to them for dear life and even the sheer mention of their name will make your heart hurt and your eyes full. But it’s okay. You’ll get over it, and somebody will take their place and provide the same support in your life even though you will always hold them to a high regard.

You will like a boy, with a nice heart and a pretty face. Things won’t work out, and your first instinct will come true, he will like your friend. And you will have to deal with it. Deal with the dating, the loving, and the break up. It will hurt you in ways that do not really revolve around the boy. It will highlight your biggest insecurities and the insensitivity intensify it. You will remain friends with someone that you weren’t supposed to be friends with, the ‘bad guy’, the ‘douche’. Everybody will pull you into their love triangle, just as you have been in many times before this. But this time is different. It will take am emotionally toll on you and you will realize that not everyone deserves your efforts. You will slowly start accepting that you can’t fix everything and you don’t deserve that kind of treatment from people who take you for granted. The ‘bad guy’ will be your best friend, and will teach you so many lessons ranging from motivation to family to money and the meaning of life. This person will help you, care for you, and be there for you in ways that most people aren’t. You will develop attachment problems, and you will attempt at working them all out. You will be inspired by a wonderful leadership class/teacher. You will learn about how much you value access to education, especially for economically disadvantaged children. You will meet amazing people on a service trip, which will change your life. You will learn that people love you for you and that you can do most things you set your mind to(as long as your self deprecating actions don’t get in the way). You will admire a girl named Karen, who will leave a lasting impact on you. Her drive and determination to do good and lift people up will always amaze  you and you will always look to her for advice/courage. You will give somebody the “best day of their life” and you will fall in love with a dirty blonde six year old Dominican girl. She will make you feel things that you didn’t even know were possible. She will light up your life and make you demand more from it. You will beat a chemistry class, you will get an A without the curve on an exam and this will be your biggest academic accomplishment thus far. Friends will hurt you, and you will forgive them because they are worth forgiving. You will learn that people aren’t perfect, but if their good outweighs their bad, then you will keep them around you. You will especially learn that your differentiation of good and bad differ from everybody elses.  Old friends will come back in and find you at Cornerstone and continue to kiss your cheek and tell you how much they love you. Your face will hurt from smiling so much. You will meet an attractive boy who wants your body and nothing else and he will make you feel important and you will crave him but then you will realize it is more harm then good. You will kiss a British model which will lead you to believe there is hope for post-grad life. You will have numerous drunk nights and many more nights in because you have to study. You will fall out of love of partying, and resort to only enjoying time with the people you consider important to you.

But above all you will learn the importance of fate. This was all fate. You just ‘happened’ to get into the scholars program who led you to the best people and inspired you to go on that alternative break trip and who will introduce you to some of the best friends you will ever have. You will meet someone in Cumberland lounge and think nothing of them, and look back on it 3 years later and realize that your college experience would be nothing without them.

Tomorrow you will start your last first day of undergrad. Make the next five months good, and don’t worry because things have a way of working themselves out.

Love,

Senior Year Fave

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