This past weekend I was in California for the funeral of my uncle. I was there for 24 hours. I saw family I hadn’t seen in years, so much so that I couldn’t recognize them. I was anxious for how the weekend was going to go because I was afraid that I would be unable to handle it and that I would be more of a burden than I was of help. When I got to the church, I saw my aunt in law in the car without my uncle and I started to cry. My godmother said to me “no-Favee not now you have to be strong”. After that, I kept humming Naked by James Arthur when I felt like I couldn’t handle the sadness and eventually I felt so detached from my surroundings. None of it felt real. It felt more real on my way back when I was in his house and he wasn’t there. Or when we were driving to the airport and I remembered how he drove me down the same road 3 months ago. It’s really hard to fathom that people are really gone.
I woke up early that day because of the time difference and I wrote the following little blurb to comfort myself but later I decided to share it:
In science classes we learn that Matter is not created or destroyed. This means that anythhf that occupies physical space doesn’t ever go away, it just changes form or frequency. Rain evaporates and remains in the clouds, seeds get planted and grow into trees, etc.
Death is hard because we will never be able to see People again In their physical bodies, we will miss the comfort of their touch, laugh and smile.
But a persons impact on earth goes far beyond their physical bodies. All great people change our lives for the better. I know it may be hard now, but please remember all the good times we’ve had with A. remember how he made you feel, how’s he’s made you a better person and be comforted by the fact that will always be in you. Be comforted by the fact that he is no longer suffering, and most of all be comforted by the fact that he is still with us even though we cannot see him. Pray to God for the strength we will all need to get through this difficult time.
Pray his peace gives us peace and remember,
Matter is not created or destroyed.
Some people told me that is resonated with them and more importantly my mom and my uncle told me that they were happy that I spoke. When I saw I held my sisters while they cried and they did the same for me. But, throughout the day and night through the heavy grief that I started to dissociate with, I was also able to see the light. Like how filled the church pews were with people who loved him. How his impact was so great that one of the priest’s cried. How our family banded together and was trying to help one another out. How lucky we all were, although none of us wanted it to be on these terms, to be in the same room with one another. How happy I was that everyone laughed when I sat on my mom’s lap. Most importantly, through the despair there was still so much love and support through these times. And it is so important to thank God for those types of blessings.
Later in the day, I went to briefly meet up with my coffee friend. On my uber there, the driver asked me how my day had been and I was honest. I told him I went to a funeral, and he asked more questions which I answered and ended with “but we believe in God so..”. He said he was so happy I said that because his cousin is going through a similar situation. We began to talk more about our respective situations and he told me that there was a reason God put me in his uber that night. He particularly liked when I told him that we grieve selfishly; when people’s lives have no hope of being sustained without machines, we are keeping them “alive” for our benefit. That was a magical moment in the day for both of us.
Coffee met up with me and brought his little sister and paid for both of our ice creams. Although I would have preferred to have time with just him, his sister is such a joyus creature. She truly embodies what a kid is supposed to be like. I later texted him about what I had always thought about him and he seemed appreciative of the compliment and told me we would talk soon. I was also reminded how alive I can feel with people who have their hearts and heads in the right spaces.People like him who appreciate the beauty in life and are simultaneously have more depth to them. He is refreshing.
All in all, this season in life has been hard and this past event did not make it any easier. It brings to the forefront how fragile humanity truly is and how we are also all students of life.